Brother, can you spare $3.99 for an US Weekly?

According to my gossip goddess, Lainey, the economy has gotten so bad people are not buying tabloids like they used to.

I'm not sure if this is funny or sad. I myself am not a tabloid reader. I read my smut online for free. I do confess to having had a People magazine subscription for 11 years. I gave it up when they featured a newly out of jail Paris Hilton on the cover pretending to be pious. It was the breaking point.

I'm glad though that Americans do have their priorities straight and that the sales of milk for children are not going down while tabloid sales remain steady. It reminds me of a shopping trip to the St Matthews mall a few years ago, 2004 I think, when times were much better. A teenage girl who could not have been more than 16 strutted all over the Charlotte Russe store in her stilettos wearing a bustier with the tags still attached. She finally relinquished the bustier loudly telling a friend that this cheap item was hardly worth tapping into her "lingerie account".

Later as my friend Michelle and I pondered the outbreak of teenage girls who shop in stilettos, Michelle said something to the effect of "Well, I must commend that forward thinking young girl in the bustier who was trying to be conservative with her lingerie account."

Likewise, I commend shoppers for passing on the tabloids. Trust me, you can find all the gossip you need online for free.